


astray

by nighttimemusings



Category: GOT7, K-pop, Stray Kids (Band), TWICE (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22037497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nighttimemusings/pseuds/nighttimemusings
Summary: Chaeyoung, Chan, and Bambam, and the ways they grow apart only to come back together.
Relationships: bambam & chan, chaeyoung & bambam & chan, chaeyoung & chan
Kudos: 25





	astray

_2017.11.28_

_Dorm_

Every time Chaeyoung sees one of them – or both, since they’re attached at the hip these days, after Channie finally, _finally_ made it – it’s inevitably awkward in the weird _we used to be close but we haven’t really talked in five years_ kind of way.

One’s her senior, one’s her junior – she’s sandwiched between the two like she should fit, and maybe once upon a time she did, but nowadays she feels more and more like she never truly belonged anyway; neither here nor there, just… _other_ , an ill-fitting part of the puzzle.

It hurts, in a far-off, detached sort of way. She didn’t realize that it _would_ hurt until she sat down with her _unnies_ – snuggled together under the lofty couch blanket, legs tangled in a haphazard mess – and watched the re-run of the latest episode of Stray Kids, Chan and Bambam reminiscing about their life together as trainees.

It hurts, because from the audience’s point of view, there is no place for Chaeyoung in this exclusive friendship. There is no _Chaeyoungbambamchannie_ in the 4th floor practice room at six in the morning before school, “practicing” for their upcoming showcase but in reality just chasing each other around in circles. There is no _Chaeyoungbambamchannie_ at midnight, sneaking out to the neighborhood ramen place and talking about everything and nothing at all. There is no _Chaeyoungbambamchannie_ in the dark times, the most difficult times, offering solidarity through the silence of their words and the stillness of their bodies.

To viewers, there is Chaeyoung and Bambam and Chan, and now _B_ _ambamandchan_ , but not _Chaeyoungbambamchannie_. Never was, probably never will be. All that exists of their history together is a brief clip, barely five seconds long; a clip in which they each seem to be replaceable cogs of the machine, of a one-off performance in one of the JYP annual trainee showcases, a contrived production thrown together for the sake of _look, aren’t our trainees just so_ cute _?_ , even though that singular performance had sparked the closest friends Chaeyoung had known in her early traineeship.

Sometimes, Chaeyoung wishes. When it feels like there’s a glimmer of hope that things could go back to how they were, simple and carefree, she thinks about what could have been. She loves her _unnies_ , truly she does, but it’s not quite the same. In her occasional – or, sometimes, frequent – moments of self-doubt, she thinks: Had she not been on Sixteen, a rapper in a field of dancers and vocalists and visuals…would she have even been close to any of them? Had she ever really fit into the group that had been JYP’s star female trainees circa 2013?

No, she hadn’t, because she had had Bambam and Chan then, even when _they_ had had all of the other male trainees. By virtue of being the youngest, they had become unlikely friends - a bright-eyed, earnest boy from Australia, an effervescently mischievous boy from Thailand, and a quietly determined girl from South Korea, together at the same time in the same place against all odds.

On nights like these, Chaeyoung wishes, and more often than not she’s not even really sure what she’s wishing for.

* * *

_Unknown_

_Unknown_

Amidst the delighted cheers and sobs of fans, it is announced that Stray Kids will debut as nine. On her phone, Chaeyoung has KakaoTalk pulled up, a short one-word message typed out. Her thumb hovers, ambiguous in its final destination, for five seconds…ten seconds…twenty seconds.

She hits send.

A few hours later, she gets an equally simple reply, but perhaps one that sets events in motion to mend a friendship that had long-since been pushed to the recesses of the mind in favor of _am I good enough_ and _when will I finally **debut**_.

* * *

_Unknown_

_Unknown_

21:27

Son Chaeyoung: _Congratulations!_

00:43

Bang Chan: _Thanks, I appreciate it :)_

* * *

_2018.04.18_

_Show Champion Backstage_

On April 18, 2018, TWICE receive their first win for _What Is Love?_ and celebrate by (lovingly) forcing Stray Kids to sing and dance during the encore.

Later, backstage, Chan is pulled along as TWICE head back to their waiting room. He stands in a corner with a grudgingly amused smile and the aura of a deeply-withheld sigh as Jihyo pats his head and Nayeon coos at him in an exaggerated manner, two proud _noonas_ babying a beloved _dongsaeng_ who has grown up before their very eyes. It’s slightly patronizing, but it all comes from a good place – and so he’ll accept it, no matter how much he wants to remind them that he is now taller than they are, _thankyouverymuch_.

In another corner of the waiting room, Chaeyoung is gathering her belongings for the trip to the Starry Night Radio broadcast, decidedly not focusing on the commotion of other side of the room. In her distraction, she misses it when Chan notices her, alone, and slips away from Jihyo and Nayeon to instead head over to her corner.

Chan reaches forward to tap on her shoulder, hesitancy in his clearly telegraphed actions, and –

…reconsiders, opting instead to clear his throat.

Chaeyoung still jumps about a foot into the air as she spins around quickly with wide eyes – but hey, at least he tried.

“Hey,” Chan starts, suddenly at a loss as to what to say.

“…Hey…?” Chaeyoung replies, the lilt at the end of her word not quite disguising the question behind it.

“Uh. It’s been a long time.”

“…Yeah,” agrees Chaeyoung, neutral and guarded, eyebrows furrowed as if she can’t quite figure out his motives for speaking to her.

(Once upon a time there never would have been a question – they were friends, Chaeyoung and Chan, and that was that.)

“Just – I just wanted to say congratulations. On the win.”

A beat of silence, of consideration, and then of quiet acceptance – “Thanks, Channie. I appreciate it.”

And then, on impulse, Chan opens his arms for a hug, the same way he used to do five years ago for the two snot-nosed and gangly-limbed kids he considered his best friends…the same way he still does for Bambam, now, and hasn’t done for Chaeyoung in a long, _long_ time.

To his genuine surprise, Chaeyoung only hesitates for a fraction of a second before she’s rising up on her tiptoes to meet him halfway. It feels right, like a missing puzzle piece slotted back into place, two estranged friends starting to mend their friendship anew, even though it’s brief and interrupted by Nayeon’s playfully raised eyebrow from the other side of the room.

Chaeyoung rolls her eyes and Chan backs away, huffing. Despite the assumed implication, they’re just friends.

But.

_Just friends_ still means _friends_ , and Chan is all the more grateful for it.

* * *

_2018.04.19_

_Unknown_

A few hours later, just as she is about to shut off her phone and turn in for the night, Chaeyoung’s phone emits a tiny little ding.

On the screen is a KakaoTalk chat notification, with a short, simple message.

* * *

01:18

Bambam: _Congrats!! :)_

* * *

And the cycle repeats, but this time Chaeyoung knows exactly where she stands. She’d never been the forgotten last third of the puzzle to Bambam and Channie’s two-thirds – she’d just wandered a little further than they had and gotten lost on her way back, a little bird gone astray in pursuit of flight.

It had always been _Chaeyoungbambamchannie_ , after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on canon (or as close to canon as I could get), although of course many speculations have been made as to the strength of Chaeyoung, Chan, and Bambam's friendship pre-debut.
> 
> Although it appears that they're all on very good terms, I used the aforementioned three as a vehicle through which I could write an investigative piece into how gender may play in role in trainee (and idol) dynamics, as well as into how this may compound the distance felt by friends who train together but ultimately do not debut together. Ultimately, I think Chaeyoung, Chan, and Bambam, by virtue of all being under the same company, allow for a hopeful ending - others, maybe not so much.


End file.
